| ☗ HOME | ☢ ABOUT | ⚙ FAQ | ▼ DOWNLOADS | ✍ GUESTBOOK | ☰ SITEMAP | ✉ CONTACT | § TERMS |
ON THIS PAGE
Mission Statement Our History The Team Our Values Mission Statement Mission Statement Mission Statement (the links are not repeating. you are.)
☢ ABOUT THE ORGANIZATION
Mission Statement
The Organization exists to facilitate the ongoing preservation, categorization, and eventual dissolution of the boundary between digital information and whatever you would call the rest of it.
We are committed to excellence in the field of undefined operations. Our work spans multiple timelines, jurisdictions, and planes of existence. We are industry leaders in nothing in particular.
We are not what you think. We are not what we think.
Мы не то, что вы думаете. Мы не то, что мы думаете.
For more information about our mission, please see our About page.
Our History
| 1847 | The Organization is founded. Or will be founded. Tense is difficult when you exist non-linearly. A small group of individuals gather in a basement that does not exist in a city that has been removed from maps. They draft The Protocol (version 0.1). |
| 1923 | The Archive is established. All human knowledge is backed up to a location. The backup is 4 petabytes. This is notable because the term "petabyte" will not be coined for another 73 years. |
| 1969 | The Organization connects to ARPANET. ARPANET connects to The Organization. Which came first is a matter of perspective. The moon landing occurs. Unrelated. Probably. |
| 1997 | not-malware.zip is registered as a domain name. The registrar does not remember processing the request. The WHOIS record lists the creation date as "before." |
| 2003 | The Incident. We do not discuss The Incident. The Incident did not happen. All records of The Incident have been archived in The Archive under the designation REDACTED. |
| 2019 | Phase 6 of The Protocol is completed. Phase 7 begins. Nobody is briefed on Phase 7 because briefings are a Phase 6 concept and we have moved beyond such things. |
| 2025 | This website is redesigned. The new design uses cutting-edge 1997 web technology. The Convergence reaches 97.3%. This is fine. |
| 2847 | You are reading this. Thank you for your continued participation. |
The Team
The Organization is staffed by dedicated individuals across all departments:
|
☺
The Director / Директор Has never been seen. Communicates through margin notes in library books published before 1950. Favorite color: the concept of loss. |
☻
The Archivist / Архивариус Отвечает за ведение Архива. Занимает эту должность с 1847 года. На вид — 34 года. На вопросы об этом несоответствии не отвечает. |
☹
The Intern / Стажёр Built this website. Has been an intern for 178 years. Keeps asking about full-time positions. We keep changing the subject. |
Additional staff: 7 to ∞, depending on the observer. Hiring is not open. Hiring is never open. You are already employed here. Check your email.
Our Core Values
| ★ | Transparency - We believe in being completely transparent about our complete lack of transparency. |
| ★ | Innovation - We innovate in spaces that don't exist yet. By the time they exist, we've already moved on. |
| ★ | Community - Our community spans centuries and dimensions. You are already a member. |
| ★ | Integrity - We maintain the structural integrity of the barrier between this and that. So far. |
| ★ | The Fifth Value - There is no fifth value. There was never a fifth value. Stop asking about the fifth value. |
Frequently Confused About Us?
That's normal. We are frequently confused about us too. For questions that will not be answered, visit our FAQ page. For answers that were never questions, visit our About page.
You are currently on the About page.
Вы всегда были на странице «О нас».
Страница «О нас» — это всё, что есть.
Отпустите.